Thursday, 6 January 2011

Housework for Beginners . . . *

Good Morning Dear Friends!

Do come in and make yourself comfortable;  an unusually lit day today - doesn't seem quite to be able to make up its mind as to its composition and state of mind really; will it rain or will it shine?  Ah me!

Well, you find yours truly back from the bucolic beatitudes of Deer Crossing with a set of unbelievably aching legs! I seemed to spend a goodly amount of my existence last night standing around on a very damp Crewe Station, waiting for the end of time (or the train to Wigan as it is now more commonly referred to) and pondering the quirks, foibles and other  interesting words that shape my life . . . I was amused greatly for a moment or so by the following advice that appeared on the passenger information notice board: "Customers are advised to take extra care on the station due to the damp and slippery weather conditions, especially on the stairs." which really is a stunning example of a micro-climate in operation , or possibly the decline in standards of use of the English language . . . but it served to break up the ennui for a while and paused my burgeoning consideration of having the timetables  re-written in geological timescale so as to give the impression of a working public service . . .

Today finds me still somewhat ague-filled but bent on the sorting and cleansing of the BPS following the usual meet-up with the Old Duchess to do her weekly - and increasingly weakly - shop at that cornucopia of retail heavenliness, Tesco.   I know you find it hard to imagine that I,  noted as I am for my jet-set lifestyle and endless round of showbiz parties, could ever be found in such a mundane setting, yet it is so; following an interview with the management of the store I only ask that you keep requests for autographs to a minimum and preferably on paper as opposed to body parts - the last occasion caused a drop in the sales figures for frozen Spotted Dick and Queen of Tarts puddings . . .


Friday sees me back in harness and away over the hills to Bury and my wonderful clients. It will be interesting to see how Christmas affected them; being such a readily identifiable family time, it can be absolute hell for those recently bereaved . . . I am always somewhat amazed and humbled that they choose to spend their time with me and that, together, we  try and make sense of something that seems as senseless and arbitrary as sudden death often does . . . ah me!

But the day beckons - as does the teapot! A brief splash of the old green liquid love and then I shall be dashing away with the smoothing iron, scrubbing brush and other such implements of torture - well, in my eyes at least!    I hope your day is suitably fantastic and joy-filled and that you can pop in to see me again very soon - just don't forget to wipe your boots on the mat!


'til next time

Be Seeing You !





* I googled this to see if any such work existed  and found instead a plethora of 'English for Beginners' exercises about doing the housework - it is quite fascinating to realise just how many different verbs we employ in the description of such a mundane act - an absolute nightmare for students of the language!

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